Boys Don’t Cry

Photo illustration by Chintana Phravorachit / VOX Staff

By Latrice Williams / VOX Staff

Guys, you’ve heard it more than once from many sources: “Take it like a man!” “Stop crying like a girl!” “Man up!” I sure have heard these phrases before, but I’ve always disregarded them as old clichés that society used to expect. However, the truth is that you guys have bought into these messages and you believe you have to abide by this macho code to be perceived as a real man rather than a sensitive wimp. You even believe that putting up a cool front is what girls really want from their guys — believe me, it’s not.

Under this man code, you boys automatically deprive yourselves of the countless feelings and emotions that you were born with. You won’t let yourself cry or back down or show any sign of weaknesses because you’re so sure that only girls should do such things.

It seems like the only emotion you let yourself feel is anger, and you often put yourself at physical risk by getting into fights over petty things instead of talking out your problems. This is how you think you should deal with your anger, but it’ll only end up badly. For example, a friend of mine got beaten up by a 14-year-old boy who heard my friend had been saying bad things about him. Without saying a word, he just started pounding on my friend until he realized that he had the wrong information. Of course, he didn’t even apologize — because that would have been unmanly.

You guys won’t even admit when you’re in pain — and it’s something you even seek it out to prove your macho-ness. In my neighborhood, I have observed group of boys who participate in brutal bike stunts that look so painful, yet they encourage each other to keep trying more masochistic pranks until someone gets hurt. If you don’t participate, you’re labeled a sissy or worse.

The whole unemotional act has perhaps even more hurtful consequences when you guys try to start relationships with us girls. You expect us to understand you and what you’re experiencing, but you never communicate for fear of letting your guard down. You think we’ll act just like your boys and put you down for sharing a feeling other than lust with us.

One classic example of this inability to communicate happened to my best friend who was ditched the day of prom — without any explanation — after being asked out by a boy a few weeks earlier. It turned out that he didn’t know to dance and was too embarrassed to ask for help, so instead of telling her the truth he left her high and dry.

Sometimes I think perhaps you guys simply don’t know how to show your feelings — period. You may want to, but after suppressing them for umpteen years you just don’t know how to express yourselves emotionally. There’s nothing wrong with shedding a tear or dancing for joy. We girls thrive on emotions, and your ability to show them will usually make us like you more. Now, I’m not saying that you have to be so in touch with your emotions that you cry at the drop of a hat, but you need to be able to let your feelings come to the surface when it’s appropriate.

I really wish you guys would ditch your man code and stop believing the propaganda of how a man should act. No matter what you do, you’ll never be that action star who will single-handedly beat up all the bad guys, get dumped by his girlfriend and find out that his dog died all in the same day and never shed a tear. Nor should you want to be that guy — it’s completely unrealistic.

Opening up about your thoughts and feelings will also give you an advantage over other guys when it comes to romancing girls. We spend so much of our time and energy trying to solve the mysteries of your mind that we become exhausted. Give us this break, and we’ll be more likely to give you the time of day.

Latrice, 15, is homeschooled.