Dumped on Valentine’s Day

What didn’t kill me made me stronger

By Emma Hanger / VOX Staff

Valentine’s Day, that hallowed “holiday” of confectionary delights, various stuffed creatures, short-lived flowers and cheesy greeting cards inspires a myriad of feelings in teens. The first, and most obvious,is love, expressed daily in the school hallways by overly amorous couples via hand holding, hugging and sometimes more. Another is an insatiable lust for the great varieties of candy available, something most of us share despite our current state of romantic entanglements. And then, of course, there is bitterness, expressed in various way by many of us without a significant other.

I’ve felt all three of these emotions on Valentine’s Day, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been in love. You see, I was dumped on this holiday two years ago. Yep, two years without a boyfriend.

And while it was definitely rough coping with my sudden singleness at the time, since then I’ve grown more independent and wiser as a person.

You can say that what didn’t kill me has made me stronger.

Breakup Blues
After he dumped me, I took a mental health day from school because I was a mess. I needed to rest up, eat a bit of ice cream and figure out how I would deal with such things as seeing him around school and hanging out with his little brother. That day off helped a little.

The next thing I did was tell all my friends about it. They responded sympathetically. A few of them offered to harm him, which I knew they wouldn’t seriously do. I considered those as attempts to make me smile and laugh again.

As the days and weeks passed, my sadness and anger began to pass as I threw myself into school and other activities, and I got used to being single again. It’s a lot easier when you have a lot of friends.

I also spent a lot of time thinking about relationships — about the one I had been in, and about those that I saw every day in school. In this time of reflection, I noticed something I’d never realized before. A lot of people — but not necessarily all people — who are coupled up surrender attributes of themselves in order to please the other person or to fit into a coupled unit.

Even married couples make compromises and give up parts of themselves to make things work more smoothly.

Finding My Single Self
On the other hand, singles go out into the big, bad world and discover new passions and talents. And while it’s a challenge to put yourself out there, it’s a liberating feeling.

For example, if you came up to me two years ago when I was dating and said that I would eventually become so deeply invested in journalism that I’d plan a career in it, I would probably have laughed at you. However, that’s exactly what I’ve found out in these single years. I had more time to explore a variety of hobbies and vocations, and writing really clicked with me.

While I was “taken,” my primary interests reflected his: I loved video games, anime and Apple computers. Now, I sold off the games I’m no longer interested in, I’ve pretty much separated from the world of anime, and I’m fine with using my Windows box (though I must admit, those little iBooks are adorable).

Another important thing I’ve noticed is that some people who are taken spend most, if not all, of their time with their significant others. Before I started dating, I promised myself I wouldn’t fall prey to this, but I inevitably did.

So one of the first things I did after I got dumped was to rekindle my other friendships that had fallen by the wayside during my relationship, which lasted about a year and a few months. I now know that, at least during my teen years, friends are more important than boyfriends. They’re the ones who will stay with you through thick and thin.

I had a lot to catch up on with them, and I felt guilty about not keeping better contact with them all along. Even though I had shunned them, they almost instantly took me back, hung out with me, took me shopping, and did lots of other things to help me feel better about myself and more positive about being single.

Testing the Waters
There are undoubtedly pressures on single people to go out and find someone, whether or not they feel right about it. After some time off from boys, I’ve tried to start relationships again and have failed each time. Mostly it’s been because the guy didn’t like me back, though there were a few times when it was due to my not feeling right about the whole thing.

One memorable instance was with a boy who, on our first and only date, talked about going to an anime convention together — the following year. Making plans that far into the future, especially with a person I wasn’t feeling attracted to, quite frankly freaked me out.

Somewhere between the disappointment and letdown following each of these failed attempts, I’ve found that you don’t necessarily need to be attached to another person to enjoy yourself. In fact, sometimes it’s easier not to be attached. Because I’m not tied down to someone, I’ve learned to like being alone and free to do whatever I want without having to think about what someone else wants. I’ve gone shopping, to movies, and to restaurants alone — and I’ve enjoyed it.

I’m proud of many things that I have done during this so-called “dry spell,” including taking trips to Las Vegas and San Francisco, working at VOX, improving my academic accomplishments in my junior and senior years, becoming co-editor-in-chief of my school paper and getting accepted to the college of my choice. I’ve become more confident in myself and my abilities.

A New Approach to Dating
While I no longer need the affection of a boy to make me feel good about myself, I won’t deny that I wouldn’t mind having some romance in my life anyway. Two whole years have passed since I have been able to call myself someone’s girlfriend, and there are times where that undoubtedly sucks, especially Valentine’s Day and homecoming. Prom is coming up, and I hope I won’t be attending alone.

I’m open to starting, or trying to start, a new relationship anytime now. This time, though, I’m going about it differently. I’m not going to change or ignore crucial aspects of myself just to please someone else. I’m also not going to forsake my friends who care about me and spend all my time with a new boyfriend.

I’ve grown and done so much in these past two years that I am presenting a new and improved me to anyone who comes along.

Emma is a senior at Druid Hills High who is incredibly excited about going to Georgia State University this fall.