How to Be a Good Date

Photo illustration by Brett Bush | VOX Staff

By Adia Harris | VOX Staff

Often in that period of excitement when which you finally manage to snag a moment of your crush’s oh-so- precious time, you forget the mission at hand — the date itself. How are you going to make yourself appealing to that person? What’s a surefire way to find out if your crush’s appeal to you? Throwing yourself out there with no plan is like scarfing down a meal without taking time to taste it — you won’t know if you enjoyed it or not. So here are some rules I follow to make that first date a good one:

Step 1: First and foremost, the key to dating is to relax. Freaking out and panicking never helps. Be comfortable in your own skin, and trust yourself — be confident in your ability to be a good date. I don’t mean be cocky; just realize that the person wouldn’t have asked or agreed to go on a date with you if you didn’t have something to offer. When you get too nervous you risk acting out of character to mask your fears. When I go out with someone who makes me nervous, I try to focus on the fact that he’s a human being just like me and is possibly just as anxious as me. Another tip: Make sure you use the rest room before you leave for the date — it helps get my jitters out.

Step 2: Speaking of character, the next important thing is to be you. For lack of a better term, sell yourself — let your date get an idea of what you’re all about. If there is no way in hell you can go on this date without your “lucky” ripped-up, punk-rock jeans, don’t try and fake the funk; wear them proudly and let your date know how ecstatic they make you. Because if you can’t be yourself when you’re with your date now, then there is no point in being with them in the future. I can recall countless times I have missed out on a chance with a guy because I acted rude and sarcastic to hide how insecure I felt. It’s a lot better to let my guard down and suffer embarrassing moments than end up scaring people away. Looking back with regret sucks.

Step 3: Nothing can ruin a good date like a bad venue. The movie-and-food-court-at-the mall thing is the monotonous road to a lame and forgettable evening. Branch out and try something different — there are a lot of things in Atlanta that are more exciting and enticing than corny moving pictures and french fries. Pick locations which encourage you to talk to each other. Also, find out what your date likes, and surprise them with activities that you’ll both enjoy. I really like nature, so it’s always been my secret desire to walk through the botanical gardens with a guy. I know it would be a cheap date, but I still feel it would have a classy appeal.

Step 4: If the place is right, conversation must follow. You don’t have to start a drawn- out, in-depth discussion about the meaning of life, but you should open up a little to get your date to open up, too. Don’t force anything. Let the conversation dictate itself. It can be about something as shallow as Tyra Banks, or as controversial as abortion — as long as both of you are feeling comfortable. But try to avoid conversation taboos such as your personal problems and past romances. Generally speaking, the more you talk the more relaxed you’ll feel and the more fun you’ll have; just make sure it’s not a monologue.

Step 5: So what if everything is going great, but you’re just not feeling them? Don’t worry, maybe your date is just not the one for you. On the other hand, building a relationship does take time. Sometimes dates won’t make a great first impression, but you shouldn’t let that discourage you. It may take a couple of dates for you to decide if you are really into that person and vice versa.

Step 6. If there are feelings, how do you let your date know? Well, first off, don’t be hasty; you might be seeing the fireworks, while your date is looking at nothing but a cloudy sky. Coming on too strong can be a bad thing. That is why paying attention to your date is so important.

When both of you are in that moment, you’ll know it. If you have to question yourself about making a move, either ask your date the question or wait until there is no doubt the time is right. Patience is extremely important.

Adia is a senior at Chamblee High.