How to Get Rid of Your Ex

Photo illustration by Jonathan Rodriguez | VOX Staff

By Raisa Habersham | VOX Staff

Forget hiding behind trees and dodging cars, your days of hiding from your ex are over. I have devised a new approach to getting rid of your ex once and for all. I introduce to you: The LMAFG (Leave Me Alone For Good) Approach. The technique is to be only used a desperate measure, when your ex just won’t leave you alone. It should never be used in cases where the relationship has ended mutually. My friends and I have tested the approach thoroughly, and it has met with excellent results.

Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Let your ex know loudly and clearly that the relationship is over. Sometimes romances end on an awkward, wimpy note where neither side really wants to deal with it. But unfortunately that leaves the door open for the dumped to think they may be a chance to get back together again.

When you want to have none of that, you need to be firm and you need to leave no chance for misunderstanding. And you can’t do it over the phone or by e-mail; face to face interaction is a must. At this stage, there’s no reason to be cruel or condescending. Simply say something like: “It’s over. I don’t want to be with you anymore.” You should be mature about it, but be careful that you’re not too kind. After one of my friend’s ex-boyfriends tried to start things back up, she nicely told him no — but he didn’t take it seriously.

If this first step proves ineffective, then you need to take a more drastic approach.

Step 2: Move onto the next significant other ... ASAP. If you find that your ex can’t live without you, demonstrate that you are quite comfortable living without him or her. Start with a little playful flirting with whomever you fancy. Don’t be too outlandish or obvious, but you don’t want it to be too subtle, either. When your ex comes hauling around that corner, lean in and give your new crush a big wet sloppy one on the lips.

Although actions speak louder than words, you must be mindful of how you do it. Being overly aggressive with the new love interest can bring about the wrong idea. If you haven’t had a new partner by then, there is no harm in getting a friend to play the part.

Does the ex still have no clue? Well, let’s try a more productive tactic.

Step 3: Get so involved with activities that you’re too busy to be bothered. Become more involved in your social life so that he or she has no idea that you’re even around any more. The more your ex sees you are busy, the more that he or she will realize you never had time for them during the relationship and don’t now.

More so, you will find that your activities will allow you to discover new interests and skills, and it will give you a chance to make new friends — and maybe even find a new romance. After one particular relationship ended, I remember joining Student Government, Math Club and the newspaper staff. I never saw the boy (you know who you are) with the exception of a few classes. And I met a lot of new guys to date.

If all else fails, there is always one last resort.

Step 4: Fight fire with fire (figuratively speaking). In other words, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Blow your ex kisses and make sure he or she catches them; if not, turn around, catch it and hand it over. Sarcastic, semi-insane acts like this will really work their nerves — just be sure not to cross over into actual harassment.

I have called a boy I broke up with 20 times a day just to annoy the heck out of him and make sure he’d never seek me out again. I asked repetitive questions like “What did you do today?” “Were you thinking bout me?” The result? He avoids me at all costs.

No matter which step winds up working for you, realize that you’re doing the right thing for both your ex and yourself. You’ll both be better

Raisa is a senior at Mays High.