How to Patch Up a Friendship

Photo illustration by Stephanie Smith and Ricky Riley| VOX Staff

By Khalia Glover | VOX Staff

I don’t know about you but I’ve had a couple of friendships go bad and I didn’t know what to do about it. And winning a friend back turned out to be harder than I ever thought it could be.

No matter whose fault the breakup was, your former BFF may not be so easily forgiving of you. In fact he or she may not even want to talk with you anymore and might have moved on without you. Patching up a broken friendship isn’t easy, but here are some steps that helped me get back people in my life I should have never broken ties with.

Step 1: Examine why you split. It’s important to ask yourself why the friendship fell apart. When I was in the 7th grade, I completely stopped talking to my best friend for about four months straight. I had almost forgotten why we weren’t on speaking terms anymore. So I thought long and hard about it, and realized that both of us were at fault. I allowed one of my other back-stabbing friends to manipulate her into thinking I had said hurtful things about her behind her back. I had done nothing like that, but my best friend still believed someone she hardly knew rather than trust me. I regret not proving to her that I’d never do such a thing. You should always be honest with your friends and let them know how much they mean to you, even if something has come between you. No matter how close you are, you can’t read each other’s minds, so it’s important to talk to each other openly rather than to avoid the problem and let the friendship deteriorate.

Step 2: Evaluate the value of the friendship. While all friends have value in your life, you really need to figure out how much effort you’re going to put into patching things up. If your friend was just a casual acquaintance, it may not be worth worrying yourself sick about their absence in your life or spending too much time and effort trying to fix things.

In my case, I missed my best friend a lot. She was the kind of friend who made me laugh and smile everyday and supported me in everything I did. This girl had my back. So getting her back in my life was worth a lot of thought and effort.

Step 3: Send notes, cards and letters. When you’ve decided that you do want to patch things up, you need to let them know as soon as possible. I think taking the time to write out all your thoughts and feelings in a letter is a great way to break the ice. It prevents the possibility of an awkward confrontation, and it may allow both of you to let down your guards. You can say things in a letter, or even just a short note, that you might be able to say face to face. That’s exactly what I did with my best friend. I wrote her a letter detailing how badly I felt that our friendship ended so quickly and how I wanted to be friends again. It really helped me get through to her.

Step 4: Proceed with patience. Winning back a friend takes time. You have to progress at a speed that makes your friend feel comfortable and be able to rebuild the trust you guys once had. Don’t expect to jump back into your relationship just as it was once upon a time. Follow up that letter with an actual conversation. And then maybe eat together at lunch. When the ice between you seems to finally melt, then you can start hanging out. Just don’t rush things. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Khalia is a sophomore at Stone Mountain High.