An Unlikely Friendship
Breaking the Baby’s Mama Drama Myth

Illustration by Ni-Ka Ford| VOX Staff

By Jasmine Fowlkes
VOX Staff

My relationship with Kenny* started at a birthday party in my best friend Maya’s* apartment complex in May, 2006. That evening, Maya and I spent hours in front of the mirror trying on clothes, doing each other’s makeup and making sure we looked hot for the occasion. The real reason I wanted to go was because I was grieving the loss of a friend who had just passed away, and I couldn’t handle being alone. Little did I know, the party would end up being more than just a good time for me. There I would meet my future boyfriend of a year and a half, and later become best friends with his baby’s mama, Meagan*.

My growing friendship with Meagan has challenged me to let go of all the misconceptions I’ve believed about the typical baby’s mama and all the drama she’s stereotypically capable of causing.

How I Met Kenny
At the party, I was dancing and enjoying myself when all of a sudden, I noticed what seemed like a huge fight across the room. I looked and saw that it was Maya hitting a man in the face. I hurried to get through the crowd and pulled her away. Realizing she was drunk, I jumped in front of her before everything got out of hand. I looked up to apologize to the guy Maya hit, and I couldn’t help but notice how cute he was. He had a gorgeous smile and the most beautiful brown eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” I said shyly. “She’s drunk and really doesn’t know what she’s doing.”

“It’s OK,” he assured me. “It’s better than her throwing up all over me.”

I found his sense of humor attractive. The guy introduced himself to me as Kenny, and from there we couldn’t stop talking. We had so many things in common and talked about everything, from our love for the punk/emo-rock band, Fall Out Boy, to how we both hate eating liver. I fell for him that night because not only was he funny, he was also easygoing.

By the time the party was over, the bus had stopped running, and I had no way to get home. Kenny had his own car and a full tank of gas, so he offered to take me home. At the time I wasn’t thinking about the risk of jumping in a car with a stranger. All I could think of was how much trouble I would get into if I didn’t get home before my curfew.

He and I walked Maya to her family’s apartment before he dropped me off. On the ride to my house our favorite song, “Sugar, We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy, came on the radio, and we sang at the top of our lungs. When we got to my house, Kenny parked the car while we exchanged numbers. He showed how much of a gentleman he was by waiting until I got into the house before he drove away.
A couple of days later, Kenny and I began talking on the phone and made plans every Saturday to see each other. He and I were a match made in heaven, and I imagined nothing would come between us — until he broke the news to me that he had a kid and that the baby’s mama was still in his life.

Baby Mama Drama?
One evening, a few weeks after I met Kenny, he and I were sitting in a park having a conversation about life when I brought up the subject of children. “If we had a kid I would want her name to be Dani,” I said.

At first, he appeared nervous about the subject, but then he switched up and asked me, “What if we really had a little kid?”

Kenny seemed serious, and I started to become a bit fearful, wondering if he was trying to hint that he wanted us to have kids. We are so young, I thought to myself, before asking him what he really meant. What he revealed was more shocking than what I’d been thinking.

“I have a daughter, and I’m still in touch with her mom,” he told me nervously. I don’t know which made my heart drop more — the fact that he had a kid or that he still had ties to the child’s mother. Either way, finding out about the situation was upsetting because it seemed like he’d dropped the news out of nowhere. I could not help but to walk away from him. At the time I had no idea what to say or do. During the next few days I avoided his phone calls and ignored any text messages he sent me. But sooner or later, I had to face the music.

I was riding MARTA a week later when I ran into Kenny, who was with his beautiful daughter, Lacy*. She looked so much like him, and I couldn’t imagine having walked away from Kenny just because she was in his life. We got back together that day, but things weren’t the same. Jealousy built up in me, and I kept asking him suspicious questions about his baby’s mama.

I also started comparing myself to her, wondering if she was prettier, smarter or sexier than me. I couldn’t stand not knowing who Lacy’s mother was, but at the same time, I thought about the awkwardness I might feel if I met her. I mean, what girl is eager to meet another girl who holds a greater bond with her boyfriend? I guess Kenny noticed my jealousy and insisted that he would introduce me to her.

Meeting Meagan
A few weeks later, Kenny arranged for his baby’s mama, Meagan, and I to meet at his house, just to prove to me that there was nothing more to their relationship than raising their child. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in Kenny’s living room with Meagan. Before we met, I imagined that she and I would be ready to fight over Kenny, but I was wrong.

Meagan was sort of quiet and had pleasant aura. The only vibe I got from her was the same vibe I was giving off myself: worry. She assured me that there was really no relationship between her and Kenny, and that their prior connection started at a party where she was drinking and one thing led to another.
Soon after, she found out that she was pregnant. She said at first she didn’t want to keep the baby and was considering putting the child up for adoption, but Kenny stepped up and asked her to not give up their daughter and has taken care of his daughter ever since. Meagan’s explanation made me made me see Kenny in a whole new light. He was responsible enough to take care of his child, the most important person in his life.

Meagan and I began to talk right there on Kenny’s couch, and quickly became good friends. We found out that we had so much in common, especially our love for the TV show “One Tree Hill.” After that day, we got to know each other by talking on the phone and hanging out. The more we got to know each other, the more I understood that Meagan just wasn’t the stereotypical teenage mom TV and movies portray as a mean, uptight and vindictive person. Meagan was far from that. She was sweet, kind and mostly had all A’s in school.

Today, Meagan and I still talk on the phone and hang out often – even though Kenny and I are no longer together. After being friends with her for two years, sometimes I look back and regret assuming she would be the stereotypical baby’s mama. I’m really glad I got over all the hype of people saying that baby mamas are no good. I grew to respect Meagan for making the right decision to keep the baby because the baby will grow up knowing her real family.

If I had given in to my judgments about Meagan based on her past with Kenny, I would’ve missed out on a good friend.

Jasmine, a sophomore at Creekside High, says she has the best friends ever.

*Names Changed