How Men Can Stop the Violence

Photo illustration by Keosha Morgan | VOX Staff

By Keosha Morgan | VOX Staff

Many people who think about sexual exploitation only see it from the victims’ point of view. However, we can’t forget that men play an important role in sexual exploitation and abuse — and not just as pimps and sex solicitors.

John Tramel, an instructor/trainer at Men Stopping Violence, an Atlanta-based organization that counsels men, recently came to VOX to talk to us about how men can help put an end to the cycle of violence against women.

VOX: How does it make you feel knowing how men abuse women?

TRAMEL: It makes me both angry and afraid. There are many reasons why men act out against women, but none of them are justified. Men take what they’ve learned from society and media — that men should be strong and unemotional — and sometimes they’re not able to communicate what they’re feeling and instead turn to violence.

At Men Stopping Violence, we try to teach these men that violence is never the answer. And we also teach other men how they can help prevent such things as battering and emotional abuse when they see others do it.

VOX: What goes through your mind as you meet these abusive men?

TRAMEL: How can we fix this? What situation could he possibly be in? Why is he abusing women? Does he know the true meaning of being a man? How can we change his definition of being a man?

VOX: Why do you think they feel so powered to abuse women?

TRAMEL: These men feel empowered to abuse women because they believe that men are supposed to be strong and aggressive. They believe that showing emotion is a weakness, and as a man you must be strong and dominant.

VOX: What made you want to join Men Stopping Violence?

TRAMEL: I begin working around poverty. I saw so many problems — mainly gender problems — that are effects of poverty. At that time, I thought it wasn’t a problem.

However I realized that these issues with gender would not go away on their own. I decided to work with this organization to put an end to negative interactions between genders. I realized that I needed to help others push away from these problems.

VOX: Do you think these men who have abused women can redeem themselves?

TRAMEL: I believe if they are serious, it becomes their responsibility to stop abusing women. If an abusive male works hard, he can change if he truly desires to.

According to Tramel, there are many ways that young men can help prevent dating violence, domestic violence, and exploitation — and avoid becoming a part of the cycle:
• Find an outlet for pent-up aggression. Things like sports and other hobbies gives men something to do to take your mind off of the anger, frustration and sadness you feel, Tramel said.
• Try to communicate your feelings with women rather than act out physically. Many men find it hard to communicate their emotions because of years of being told that “men don’t cry,” Tramel said. However, opening up to your girlfriend or anyone else you trust cannot only help break the cycle of violence, but also deepen and strengthen your relationships.
• Be careful with your language. Though it may not seem like it, calling a woman names like “bitch,” “whore” or “slut” can cause emotional scarring and contributes to society’s acceptance of these words in casual, even friendly conversation, he said.
• Call others out when you see them abusing. Just sitting by and watching violence happen can be just as bad as being violent, Tramel said. If you see someone being abusive, step up and tell him what he’s doing is wrong. Take him aside and talk about alternatives to violence, and give him an outlet where he can get help.
• Men Stopping Violence offers a 24-week program for men who believe they have a problem using abusive behavior against women and want to change. For more information please see the resource box above.

To be a crusader against violence, boys, don’t be afraid to talk about the issues. You need to make a real stand to generate a real and positive change.

Keosha, 18, is a senior at Mays High. Jonathan Rodriguez, a fellow VOX staff member, also helped conduct the interview.