Dealing with Overprotective Parents
How I Learned to Accept Myself

Illustration by Nicole Gharaizil l Special to VOX and Jasmine Gallman l VOX Staff

By Kezze
VOX Girls Group

A problem with teens today is hovering, over-protective parents. I can speak on this because my parents are overprotective. It is very hard to live with them.

Constantly being told “no” makes it even harder for me or any teen to get along with our parents. Sometimes I get tired of hearing my nagging parents talk.

Losing Hope
I remember it like it was yesterday. It was going around that one of the girls at school was having a party, and all the jocks were going to be there. Now, you know that I had to be there. The only problem was my overprotective parents. I contemplated asking them over and over in my head. I already knew their answer, but I gave it a try.

When my mother arrived home from work, I made sure every thing around the house was clean and nice. I think you know what I was trying to pull: You clean every thing in the house so that your parents know that you really want to do something or go somewhere. My mother walked in, and she had that I-know-that-you are-up-to-something look on her face. That’s when I said, “How was your day at work today?”

“Fine, and what are you up to? Why are you playing the great child from heaven?” asked my mother.

“Well, there’s this girl at school, and she is having a party this weekend,” I said in a child-like voice .

“And what does that mean?”

“It means that I would really like to go and have some fun if you and Daddy don’t mind.”

“Now, you already know the answer to that,” my mother said in a sharp tone

“Yeah, I do, but I was hoping for something different this time around.”

“Well, all hope is lost!”

After that little scenario I felt like all hope had been lost seriously. I told myself I would never ask my parents for anything else.

Avoid You, Pester Me
When my mom is at home, I try to keep myself very active, so I don’t have to hear her nagging. She says things like, “Take out the trash,” “Cut off my light,” or “You need to be cleaning.” Sometimes I think she nags just because she can. I have two siblings, but I think I’m the only who hears the nagging. To them, it’s like my mother doesn’t exist when she nags. She could be right next to them nagging, and they would just go somewhere else. With my parents, I feel like I’m being suffocated and smashed.

I have the type of parents who look out the window or stand at the front door while I’m outside talking with friends. For example, I was walking around the neighborhood looking for something to get into, when all of a sudden I heard my mom calling my name: “Kezze, come to this house right now!”

I’m thought to myself, Oh Lord, what does this woman want? I walked really slowly back to my house.

“Kezze, I know you hear me, girl!”

That was so embarrassing, because people around my neighborhood talk a lot, which means word gets around. At the bus stop the next morning, the know-it-alls said: “I heard your mother call you in the house like you are in elementary or something,” “You are too old to go in before the street lights come on.” Next thing I knew, they had everyone at the bus stop cracking up, and I felt as if I was just shrinking away. Plus, my mom had on this old dusty housecoat, dashiki-looking thing. My homeboys (friends) were outside, so you know they had to laugh. My mother decided to stand there until I finished doing what I had to do. I felt heat rising to my face, and I was very angry because I had to hear the kids at the bus stop talking about my mother. If that’s not over-protective, what is it?

If I’m not being ordered around, I’m in my room — most of the time I can barely have friends around the house because my parents are always asking them questions about where they are from or who their parents are and what do they do. Everywhere I go my OPP must know who I’m with, what time I’m coming home, or if there are going to be parents near.

Related Rebels
If you could ask any teen how it feels to have overprotective parents – they probably could go on and on like me. I have friends who have OPPs too, like my friend Yunnie*, who I’ve known for two years. We used to spend a lot of time going places when our parents weren’t around. When our parents met, I knew we would be doomed because her parents are as strict as mine. They wouldn’t even let her talk on the phone after 7 p.m. Can you believe that?

So, we decided that if our parents wouldn’t let us do something, then we would sneak and do it. We would sneak and get on the phone or go outside while I was at her house. Sometimes she has no other choice but to sneak and go. Well yes she does have a choice, but she refuses to listen to her parents because they always said the same thing­ — “No!” I don’t know how she manages her parents’ hovering, but she does. I think I’m better at managing my parents’ over-protectiveness because I’ve been dealing with it for a very long time.

Two Faced?
Don’t get me wrong now. Having overprotective parents isn’t all that bad. Say you want to go to this party, but your parents say “no.” Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re mad and say the usual “You’re always trying to ruin my life.” But he next day you get to school, and you find out that there was a shooting and fighting at the party. Some of the kids at school got hurt. Deep down inside you say, I’m glad I didn’t go. That has happened to me and many friends I know. If my parents didn’t stop me from going I probably would have been hurt, also.

Some OPP do those types of things because they care. It took me a while to figure this out. I had to put myself in my parents’ shoes. I realized I do the same things to my little brother because he is young, and I worry about him. I don’t think I have ever met an OPP who is protective because they want to be mean or are just overprotective because they are the grown ups and we are the children. No, I don’t think it works that way.

Sometimes I think to myself, If it weren’t for my OPP, what type of person would I be? I wouldn’t have structure in my life. I wouldn’t have the sparkling personality I have now. I most definitely would not have any self-value. And I would not be respectful if it weren’t for my OPPs.

Kezze, 16, says she’s unpredictable.

*Name changed.