Me, Myself and I
Becoming My Own Buddy

Photo Illustration By Sage Nenyue | VOX Staff

By Jasmine Kelly
VOX Staff

There I was in my room all by myself crying and feeling hurt as if I did not have anyone in the world because, once again, I had been hurt by a friend. The truth is I had many so-called friends but very few I could wholeheartedly trust. I was so sick of being the shoulder to cry on and the neutral ear, with no one caring enough to do the same for me. I know that being a friend at times means doing things out of the kindness of your heart and not for recognition or reward, but let’s be real, we all want to be and feel loved and appreciated. Being hurt by my close friend stung, but in the end I learned to become my own best friend.

Bad Influence
Growing up, I always kept to myself and did not have anyone I called my best friend. At 15, that aspect of my life changed when I met Delia*. She and I were very much alike and that is why we got along so well. Trips to Barnes and Nobles, the movies and having sleepovers — we did them all together. We were having so much fun hanging out that I didn’t realize that my friendship with her would be the most toxic relationship of my life.
I started to realize that Delia was someone I should be careful of when I invited her to celebrate my older brother’s high school graduation in Florida. The trip was free for her, and the only thing she had to bring was herself. You would think that she would have been appreciative. Wrong! The entire time she complained when anything did not go her way and even copped attitudes with me and my family. I should have known that if Delia could not respect my family, then she d@mn sure could not respect me. However, because I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, I ignored all of the negative aspects of our friendship and moved on with my life.
I am not a super nice person or anything, but from hanging out with Delia, I realized that she was very mean and often did things just to agitate others, even me. I can recall many incidents when she would talk down to some of our closest friends and even tell jokes about them that were obviously embarrassing. Moreover, my friends would often come to me complaining about what she said or did. Everyday it was something new with her. Also, too many times I found myself justifying my friendship with her to others, when I couldn’t even understand why I had befriended her in the first place.
The following school year, Delia and I grew apart which was best for the both of us. However, my friendship with Delia prepared me to deal with others like her in the future, or so I thought.

The Phone Call
It was a typical Saturday last January — the kind that was cold and lazy, but still upheld the promise of fun. I had just gotten out of bed and finished my normal morning routine when I decided to call my friend Denise*. She and I met and became good friends during freshman year.
That Saturday when we talked, it was a basic “how are you doing?” conversation. But I noticed something very peculiar in her voice. She told me she had two friends over who I also knew. Being curious, I asked what they were over for and she said a “birthday sleepover.” I knew that Denise’s special day was coming up but I did not think that it was so soon. So, I was like, “D@mn girl, happy birthday!” But in the back of my mind I wondered why she didn’t invite me.
I work every weekend, so I often cannot attend various events. Still, I pondered why Denise did not at least let me know that she was hosting a get together. Who knows, ol’ girl could have even gotten a gift. When I realized that she didn’t even bother to call, I felt that my friendship with her was being taking for granted. Once again, I did not let my feelings show, and I wished her the very best on her day and then hung up the phone.

The Heartache
Days and days went by and I did not think anything of the situation, until one night my raw emotions began to come out. I guess I was too honest with myself when I reflected on my history with friends and began to cry. My tears were not caused by the situation with Denise’s birthday, but by the events in my life that led up to it. I cried because I was through with giving so much of myself and no one appreciating me in return. After crying for what seemed like an eternity, I got up, wiped my face and went to go talk to my mother.
When I told her my plight, she told me to stop being so nice. When I went into her room and she saw my face, she asked, “Girl, what is wrong with you?”
“Mommy, do you think that I am too nice at times?” I asked.
“No, you are not too nice, just a bit gullible,” she said. “You cannot believe everything people say. You need to learn how to treat people with a long-handled spoon. It’s OK to be cordial but don’t let everybody into your circle.” Talking to my mother was the best thing for me to do because, besides God, she is my only true friend. It was hard for me to take her advice because I’m an Aquarian, a natural people-person. So I decided to still be me, but start being more careful about the people I chose as my friends.

My Breakthrough
That very next day I had a brand new attitude and lease on life. I became a whole new person. It’s amazing what a good cry and a half pint of Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk can do for one’s life! I was friendly, but I was no longer eager to invite everyone into my circle and call them friends. I realized that it is up to me and only me to find happiness in this life, and how dare I allow ridiculous incidents to wreck my spirit. I’m not saying that true friends don’t exist because I have some, but I’ve learned to be more careful with my heart.
So many people get caught up with the idea of pleasing others that they lose sight of what really brings them pleasure. I understand that we should never go into any type of relationship without understanding that it should be give and take. I’ve also learned that no one in the universe can make me happy but me, so instead of devoting myself to making someone else happy, I try digging deeper into myself to allow some of that light to shine through.
Life for me is the best now because I am living for me. I still care about the feelings of others and do my best to help when I can, but I have become more in tune with my own emotions. I now enjoy going places by myself and even having personal movie days for me. Unfortunately, I had to hit rock bottom before I realized how valuable to me I am.


Jasmine is a senior at Morrow High. She says she’s an MTV “Hills” fanatic who loves to say “Owww!”

*Names changed