Photo Illustration by Jalisa M. Smith l VOX Staff

By Queen White
VOX Staff

When teens hear adults talk about not giving in to peer pressure, it sounds like blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. At least it did to me. I thought the subject was too minor to worry about. Well, not necessarily, as I recently learned.

I used to go to school each day believing that no one could pressure me to do something I was against. But this school year reality hit me hard in the face.

This year I’ve had to buckle down on those ferocious books my no-excuses teachers gave me. I have been focused on deciding which high school I will attend next year. I just haven’t had the time or patience for boys. Yet my peers have been more interested in asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend. Almost every conversation at that long, white lunch table is filled with who’s dating whom .

I haven’t always felt like talking about my reasons for not dating. Even when I tried to explain to my close friends, thinking they would understand, they didn’t. They’ve seemed to show their lack of understanding by their facial expressions, as if they’re looking at a weird science experiment.

Stop Spreading Lies
Toward the middle of this year I was hearing subtle, but annoying rumors about how I couldn’t get a boyfriend or that I was too stuck up. Around the same time a boy in my class who I strongly dislike made an insulting comment about me that actually made me want to get a boyfriend — just to shut him up. “That’s why you don’t have a boy friend now, because you’re stuck up,” he said sarcastically. The other kids in class watched and listened attentively, as if God was talking.

“I could get you if I wanted to,” I replied snappily. I was frustrated that my classmates weren’t taking my decision to be single the way I wanted them to. I couldn’t see why they cared whether I chose to date.

That’s a No-No!
My mom is one of the biggest reasons why I’m not after a boyfriend. One of her rules is that if something distracts me, I can’t get involved with it. For example, I’m not allowed to go to certain parties or hangout with a specific group of people. So a boy is off-limits. Ever since I can remember, my mom has reminded me that boys can get me off track. I’ve never asked her when I would be allowed to date because I’m afraid she might tell me I can’t have a boyfriend until I’m 20.

Still, I don’t see the importance of having a boyfriend right now. To me, dating at my age is all a big game. For many of my peers, a part of dating is to increase other girls’ envy and gain rank, but more of dating is about having someone to make us feel beautiful. At least that’s what I presume after analyzing my friends who have not gone two weeks without a boyfriend. They seem like they’re missing something, like they need someone to complete them.

My Friends or My Foes?
One day one of my closest friends asked me why I can’t just sneak around and get a boyfriend like some girls at my school. “I mean it’s not like your mom’s going to find out, right?” she asked me calmly.

I was shocked. Could not even a close friend understand where I was coming from? Maybe I was the only girl who listened to her mom. I asked my friend why was having a boyfriend so important.

“It’s that special friend who you know loves you but who isn’t your family member, I guess,” she replied. What an answer! I thought.

I used to tell my mom about the pressure to have a boyfriend, and she would explain that I shouldn’t be influenced by my peers. I always listened to her.

But I played what my friend said over and over in my head, and it sounded so convincing. I started thinking that maybe two weeks of going out with someone wouldn’t hurt. But I worried: What if my mischievous ways progressed into sneaking out after school or I became unfocused like many teens do?

Truth is, I wouldn’t be true to myself if went ahead and got a boyfriend. I would just be feeding the ego of individuals who pushed me into getting into a relationship, putting myself in a vulnerable position.

Revealing My Feelings
One day in the middle of the pressure I was going through, I stopped myself and thought for a while. I was becoming a victim of peer pressure and hadn’t recognized it. I was being blindfolded by the hands of anger because of people’s misunderstandings about a love life, and I forgot what my main goal was: not be distracted and focus on my schoolwork.

Peer pressure doesn’t always come in the form that we might expect it to, blatantly and forceful. Sometimes it’s subtle. When I realized that I was being pressured to be in a relationship against my desire, I disassociated myself from those who tried to pressure me.

Today I don’t stress myself over issues that can be handled tactfully. I just tell people that I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend. If they don’t understand me, I’m not going to understand them.

This experience has definitely made me a more independent person. I’m glad I’ve learned an important lesson in handling peer pressure, especially before I enter high school, where there might be other obstacles waiting.

Queen attends Young Middle School. She says she loves to read, dance and write.