Realizing my Superpower

Illustration by Uri Smileyl VOX Stafff

By Crissinda Ponder
VOX Staff

My independent spirit is my superpower. Independence motivates me to block outside forces that have negative influence on me. I’ve always had some sense of independence, but my independent spirit hasn’t always been as strong as it is now.

I grew up as an only child. Outside of school, I spent most of my time playing with dolls or watching cartoons alone. As I grew, I began to struggle with neediness and low self-esteem. To win friends, I often compromised who I was by putting on a facade. I hung out with the wrong crowd, went to dangerous house parties and skipped school — just to gain approval.

Today I feel strongly about being self-sufficient because as a high school senior preparing for the real world, it’s important that I learn to stand on my own. Two years ago I discovered that I don’t need to jump on the bandwagon and do what is widely accepted in order to be happy.

Struggling to Realize My Superpower
I remember trying so hard to be a part of the crew, including skipping class to hang in the hall and disrupting class with my smart mouth. It felt good to be accepted for a while, but something inside of me was telling me to stop compromising for people who wouldn’t matter in the future.

One thing that stood out for me the most was when I was about 13. There was a big basketball tournament that all my friends were attending, but my teacher wouldn’t let our class go. But because I just had to be with my so-called friends, I skipped class and went to the game. Unfortunately, I was written up and had to spend the whole month of my birthday on punishment. I was young, but I began to understand that the people I chose to spend time with had too much of an influence on me.

As time went on, the negative influence started getting old to me. I was tired of lying to my mom and feeling guilty about it, and I was tired of pretending to enjoy going out when deep inside I knew I didn’t need to be in those places. I just wanted to do my own thing because I knew it was important in developing my self-esteem.

Valuing My Independence
Seeing my single mother struggle to raise me taught me to value being independent. My mother showed me that success is something that comes from within. That’s probably why as hard as I tried to be like my peers, I never totally fit in. Eventually, some of the things my friends did stopped working for me, and we grew apart.

One of my closest friends and I started spending less time together, which created a gap between us.

“It seems like we’re not as close as we used to be,” I told her.

“It’s not that; we’re just not into the same things anymore. But we’re still close,” she responded. Losing friends like her — ones I held so dear — left me feeling lonely. Tired of suppressing the loneliness, I figured that losing my friendships was for the better.

When I turned 16, I had an epiphany. It was time for me to focus on me. I realized I didn’t need others to motivate me because I had to build confidence for myself. I created more “me” time for improving myself on the inside and renewing my mind, eager to become more comfortable in my own skin.

Sometimes I still felt impulses to be included in my friends’ mischief, but skipping school wasn’t really my thing. So I overpowered the lure to join in by doing things I really enjoy, like writing and shopping.

Embracing My Independence
Things began to come together for me when I embraced my independence. My perspective of the world changed. I began to see how many people depend on outside factors like the media and other people to think and do for them.

Now I do my best to stay focused and make choices to help my long-term goals. My superpower is the dominant force in my life, helping me dig deep within and develop self-reliance. My independence is useful in situations where I get sidetracked and want to turn my focus to peer pressure and when I feel discouraged and insecure. My independent spirit is the voice that always reminds me that I don’t need to go against who I am to blend in with the crowd.

Crissinda is a senior at Creekside High.