Denied By My Dream School

By Kenya Adeola | VOX Staff

Art by Felicia Lankford and Thinh Vu | VOX Staff

I was taken aback after months of waiting anxiously for the decision letter. After getting denied from three other prestigious colleges the previous day, I was already expecting a rejection. However, when I reluctantly opened the e-mail on the computer screen at VOX, I still froze. It took me about five minutes to analyze the response.
“Dear Ms. Adeola, I am sorry to inform you that it is not possible to offer you admission in the Harvard class of 2013.”

I know it is not possible to admit every student. But in many ways I thought that I was invincible. I’d kept a 3.9 unweighted grade point average despite being shuffled between six different high schools in foster care. My SAT subject scores were only about 100 points less than perfect. I wrote at least 20 drafts for my essays because I wanted everything to be perfect. And when I went on my interview, I left my shy nature in the car and spoke so well that the interviewer offered me a summer job opportunity. Besides, how many foster children really want to go to Harvard? According to the Associated Press, only 20 percent of foster kids in the U.S. seek education beyond high school, and fewer than 3 percent are expected to graduate from college.

Instantly I began crying, feeling like a failure who couldn’t accomplish anything. I dried my tears after receiving some comforting words, reassurance, advice and smiles from fellow VOXers and VOX adult staff, but I did not know how to respond. I felt defeated, lost and unsure about college.

I wondered how I could pick up the pieces of my life and continue to strive for the best after being rejected. Slowly, I came to realize that just because I did not get into my dream school does not mean my dreams die.

Rejecting the Rejections

On my way home that day, thoughts of rejection kept running through my mind. I sat in the MARTA train station for an hour before walking home. I’d made myself physically sick: vomiting, crying heavily and feeling as if I were about to die. I could not breathe, and everything around me was just a blur.

I had carried this dream since I was 4 years old, when my aunt took my older brothers and me on a college tour. After just one visit, I told my aunt that Harvard was where I want to go. It was not about the name or prestige; it was just where I envisioned myself. For my dream to be crushed in a matter of seconds destroyed me. I could not stand it.
When I finally made it home, I had to break the news to my parents. This was a challenge. I shook my head to try to signal the decision. When I said it out loud I began to cry and sob loudly again. I have never been so upset about something in my entire life.

Growing up, I was always the strong one who never revealed or expressed her emotions. It was a survival skill, I guess. I acted like nothing anyone did could ever bother me, when actually it was tearing me up inside. On the outside, I was always extolled for having dreams and knowing what I wanted for my future. But now there was a breach.

Thinking Back

It was not just the fact that Harvard denied me. It was that all the other schools I’d seriously considered turned me down. Other colleges have accepted me. The only problem is I was never really interested in those schools. I applied just to see if I would get in, and I did.

I should have taken all of my applications more seriously. I did not complete the applications for 15 of the 25 colleges I applied to. Meaning, I did not send in all my transcripts, teacher recommendations, or counselor information. After all the effort I’d put into Harvard’s application and the three other prestigious schools, all the other required essays, recommendations and forms became burdensome. I’d already worked my counselor so hard that she called me her most dedicated student.

Besides, I thought Harvard was going to accept me because of the way my interview went and because I was such a well-rounded student who overcame adversity. These were all qualities that Harvard was looking for, but I did not make the cut. Actually more than 29,000 students applied and only about 2,000 were accepted, according to the Harvard Crimson, their student newspaper. Although many people were denied, it didn’t ease my discomfort.

Moving On

I am still trying to pick up the puzzle pieces and ensure my future before I graduate. I am staying focused, studying more and being even more attentive in class. Since I did not get accepted, that means I just have to work harder. Currently, I am applying to more schools and looking into the requirements for the MCAT, so regardless of my undergraduate choice I will be guaranteed a spot at the top medical school of my choice.

Kenya is looking forward to graduating this month.