Choosing Abstinence

Art by Maya Collins | VOX Staff

By Maya Collins | VOX Staff

Working as a peer educator at Grady Memorial Hospital’s Teen Clinic has given me a firsthand glance at the consequences of having sex at an early age. Every week I see teens who are either pregnant, infected with a sexually transmitted infection (STI), or both. Interacting with the teens has opened my eyes to the risks of having sex so early, and has helped me decide to remain abstinent until marriage.

First Impressions
Before being certified to work at the clinic this summer, we peer educators had to go through a lot of intense training sessions. At one of our trainings, our supervisor showed us pictures of sexually transmitted infections. The images were really graphic and took me by surprise. A lot of the peer-educators, including myself, were speechless. Some of the pictures looked like they belonged in a scary movie, not in a photo album in a hospital waiting room. I crossed my legs and decided I wouldn’t be having sex for a long time.

I quickly realized that the job wouldn’t be as easy as I thought. My primary role is to lead discussions on abstinence, substance abuse, and nutrition with other teens while they wait to see one of the doctors, counselors or nurses. Sounds simple enough right? Not really.

My first day on the job was a Wednesday; a day the clinic was only open to girls. I ran into a lot of attitudes. Some girls just didn’t want to listen to what I had to say about STIs. I wondered why they wouldn’t want to hear about something that could only help them. Knowing about STIs could help them make better decisions when having sex. Frustrated, I thought to myself, If they had any sense they’d wanna listen to me. They were the ones having unsafe sex, not me! If they would just listen to what I had to say, it would save them another trip to the clinic.

A Familiar Face
My negative opinions of the patients changed the first time I saw a familiar face. Megan*, a friend I hadn’t seen since middle school, walked in with her head down and sunglasses on, even though it was cloudy outside. I happened to be working the front desk that day. I tried not to let Megan know that I recognized her. Still, I couldn’t help but notice her strange behavior. Megan spoke quietly and told the receptionist she’d come to get her test results. I kept my back to her as she walked by so seeing me wouldn’t embarrass her.

Later, Megan and I happened to make eye contact with each other. I asked how she was doing and if she remembered me.

“Yeah, I remember you”, she said. Her eyes were red. “I’ll be alright. They gave me some medicine. I know I’m gonna start using these condoms though. You ain’t gonna tell anyone you saw me up here are you?”

“No,” I told her. “I’ll keep it between you and me.”

Running into Megan really changed my opinion of the teens that visited the clinic. Before, I sort of looked down on the teens for having sex this early in life. I thought that they should know about all the risks that come with having sex, and therefore they deserved to deal with the consequences.

Not having sex made me feel that I was above the patients. I thought that since I was abstinent, I didn’t have to worry about being pregnant or infected with something, but seeing my old friend in such a sad condition helped make me more compassionate and understanding. I learned that just because a teen decides to have sex early in life doesn’t make her/him any worse or better of a person than me.

Fighting Temptation
One Saturday at the clinic, I met a boy named Devon*. Devon was fine. He played football at his high school and came to the clinic for a sports physical. We talked for a couple of minutes and exchanged numbers. Later that day Devon texted me. I told him that my friends and I were going to the movies that night and invited him to join us. Well, Devon came and sat next to me during the movie. Everything was going great until he asked me to perform oral sex on him while we were there. Seeing my negative reaction, Devon quickly said that he was just playing. I decided to let it slide and give him a chance. After all, he was cute.

A couple of days later, Devon called me. He wanted me to come over to his house before I went to work. I briefly considered going over. That was until he hinted that he would be expecting me to have sex with him if I came.

For a moment Devon sounded very convincing. I actually thought about visiting him. I wasn’t used to receiving this type of attention from a guy, and it intrigued me. The way he talked about how “satisfied” I’d be after visiting him made the idea even more tempting. Then I ran the possible long-term outcomes over in my head. I thought about everything I learned from my training at the clinic. Pictures of the STIs ran through my head and reminded me why I decided to remain abstinent.

Devon isn’t even my boyfriend, I thought to myself. If I have sex with him this time, will he keep asking me for it? Does he even really like me for me? He says he’s not infected with anything, but what if he is and just doesn’t know it yet? What if he passes something on to me? After a great deal of thought, I told Devon that I wouldn’t make it over to his house anytime soon. Deciding not to have sex gave me the peace of mind that I would have no STIs running free in my body and that there was no chance of me getting pregnant. It also felt good knowing that I was confident enough to stand my ground in a difficult situation.

Decisions for Tomorrow
Although patients at the clinic don’t have to share their personal stories with us, there are occasions when it happens. Usually girls are more willing to share than guys. Listening to their stories, I wonder whether having sex this early in life really is worth all the hype. For me, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

Some girls are worried about the possibility of becoming pregnant. For others, once they find out that they are pregnant, they have to go through the trouble of determining who the baby’s father is: their current boyfriend or the guy before him? Once a guy learns that his girlfriend is pregnant, he has to deal with the pressures of becoming a father before even graduating high school.

As if the possibilities of pregnancy aren’t enough, sexually active teens risk becoming infected with an STI. The scary part about STIs is many don’t show any symptoms unless they’re extreme cases. For example, most men and women infected with the STI Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) show no symptoms. HPV is a viral infection, meaning that there is no treatment for it. Because the risks of early sexual activity are so great, I made the decision to remain abstinent. I hope other teens will do the same.

I made the decision to remain abstinent. However it is possible to be a healthy and responsible sexually active teen. There are several methods that girls and guys can use to prevent the spread of STIs and pregnancy. Some of these methods, like condoms, can be bought over the counter. Others may require that you visit a doctor before receiving them. Either way, it is important to remember that if you chose to be sexually active, always practice safe sex.